How/Where To Get Help

If you are in danger:

Call 911
Call your local hotline
Call a national hotline
U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or TTY at 1-800-787-3224
U.S. National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673, which will automatically connect you to a local U.S. rape crisis program near your phone number's area code
U.S. National Teen Dating Violence Helpline at 1-866-331-9474

Do I need a lawyer?

In most states, the protection order or restraining order laws are designed so that you can go to court without a lawyer. However, if there are children involved, if your abuser has a lawyer, or if you think you might need help, you may want to try to find a lawyer to make sure that everything is done right. For other cases, like custody, divorce, immigration, etc., it is usually better if you have a good lawyer to help you. If you have been a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault, it is helpful if your lawyer understands the issues you may be facing and has experience working with domestic violence or sexual assault. You may also want to read the information on this page from the American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence.

How do I find a lawyer?

If you can afford a lawyer, a lawyer referral service can help you find a lawyer who has experience in this area of law. You may want to ask the lawyer referral service whether they screen for lawyers who are experienced in handling domestic violence cases -- not all lawyer referral services do this. If you can't afford a lawyer, you may be able to get help from legal aid, who provides free or low-cost legal help in some cases. If they can't help you, they might be able to refer you to someone who can take your case on a sliding scale fee or for free. Some legal aid organizations that can give referrals don't advertise that they do - be sure to specifically ask for a referral if you need one. Shelters and other domestic violence or sexual assault organizations may also be able to provide you with a referral for someone who can take your case for a lower fee. You may also want to try any law schools in your area because sometimes they have legal clinics and can take cases for free.

Safety Planning

When leaving an abusive situation, it is helpful to bring as many of the following as possible:

Children
Money
Keys (car, house, work, etc.)
Extra clothes
Medicine
Birth certificate(s)
Social Security cards
School and medical records
Credit cards and bank books
Driver's license
Car registration
Welfare identification
Passports, green cards, work permits
Lease/Rental agreement
Mortgage payment book, unpaid bills
Insurance papers
PPO, divorce papers, custody orders
Address book
Things that mean a lot to you (photos, jewelry etc.)
Items for your children (clothes, toys etc.)

It is also helpful to make a safety plan with the following:

Numbers to call for help
Places to go for help/safety
Code word with friends and family
Names of people you can stay with, who can call the police, or who you can call for help

Tips for Dangerous Situations

Stay away from the kitchen, garage or other areas with items that can be used as weapons
Stay away from bathrooms, closets or other small areas where you could be trapped
Get to a room with a door or window to escape
Have a bag already packed and hidden in case you need to escape
Call 911 right away
Document all injuries and include pictures

Tips for after you have left

Change your schedule. Take different routes to class, work or home
Never travel alone
Avoid contact with your abuser
Change your phone number or get one that is unlisted
Cancel any joint bank accounts and open a new one
Keep your court order and emergency numbers with you at all times

How to Stay Anonymous Online

You can search your name online and remove any public information listing your name, new address, or relationship status so you cannot be traced without your knowledge
Go to http://www.spokeo.com/ and search your name.
Copy the url with your info then click "Privacy" at the bottom of the page
In a pop-up window, select "free removal" and paste the url and enter your email address
When you get a confirmation email, click the second link, then check back to make sure your info is removed

Financial Planning

Leaving an abusive situation is not only difficult emotionally, but can also be challenging financially. Here are some tips for surviving on a smaller budget and getting back on your feet.

Steps for surviving money crisis

Change your expectations
Tell yourself the truth
Decide how to pay for necessities
Identify your assets
Discover how much you cost
Calculate what you can afford to cost
Call your creditors
Quit paying late fees
Create a budget
Do Not ignore the IRS or INS

Budgeting - Create a budget and stick to it! Figure out how much money you have to spend each month, and how much your living expenses cost. Don't forget to set aside some money for unexpected expenses such as appliance repairs.

Developing Goals - Defelop financial goals for yourself. Think about where you want to be financially in the next six months, or year. Take the necessary steps to achieve those goals such as picking up extra hours at work, and cuttign down on unnecessary expenses.

Keep Financial Records in a Safe and Confidential Place - Your records are your business. Keep them in a place only you have access to, such as a safe or lock box. Oftentimes it is good to be sure the box is fire and/or waterproof.

Debt Management - Save before you borrow. The only time you should charge is if you could pay cash. This is important to remember when trying to build good credit and get out of debt. Look at charging as buyign money. You want the best rate, but you want to buy as little as possible.

Prevent Identity Theft - Many times abusers will try to use old account numbers and pins. Be sure to change your pins and shred receipts that show any account information. Be cautious on the phone. Never give out too much personal information. You don't really know who is on the other end of the line

Tax Information

By requesting innocent spouse relieve, you can be relieved of responsibility for paying tax interest, and penalties if your spouse (or former spouse) improperly reported items or omitted items on your tax return.

You must meet all of the following conditions to qualify for innocent spouse relief:

You filed a joint return
There is an understated tax on the return that is due to erroneous items of your spouse
You can show that when you signed the joint return you did not know and had no reason to know that the understated tax existed (or the extent to which the understated tax existed).
Taking into account all the facts and circumstances, it would be unfair to hold you liable for the understated tax

Rights and Responsibilities

You have the right to:

File a separate return even if you're married
See and understand the entire tax return (including supporting documents) before signing a joint return
Refuse to sign a joint return
Request an automatic 6-month extension of time to file your tax return
Get copies of prior years' tax returns from the IRS
Request relief from your spouse's liability
Obtain independent legal advice

Building Good Credit

Here are 5 tips for building good credit:

Charge only what you can afford to pay - this helps you avoid excessive debt and shows creditors that you are a responsible borrower.
Use only small amounts of the credit yo uhave - maxing out credit cards - or even coming close - is one of the most irresponsible ways to use credit.
Start with one credit card - the more credit you have the more you end up using so start with one card at a time.
Pay your balance in ful and on time - a large part of your credit score includes timeliness of payments. The sooner you pay the better your score
Carry a balance the right way - having a balance isn't always a bad thing. Just be sure to make more than the minimum payments in order to pay your debt off quickly.

Child Support

Things to remember when filing for child support

If you are living in a shelter, you can still file for child support though the checks may have to be sent to a third party or mailbox not belonging to the shelter.
You can have your address impounded by the court, which means it is kept secret. The check is sent to the DOR Child Support Enforcement Division who then sends it to you.
If you are filing for a Chapter 209 A restraining order and wish to receive child support, you can check the box that asks for child support and request that it be decided at the next hearing.

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