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My name is Rachael Zilkowski and I am excited about what I will get to learn and experience from working as an intern with Becky’s Fund. I am a student at The Washington Center Program and through my concentrations in both Political Science and my minor in Women’s Studies I have been placed in this internship that marries both of my interests.

As a senior at Towson University I am ready to begin a new chapter of my life after I plan to graduate in May of 2011. I aspire to go on to Law School where I can continue to fight for the civil and human rights all men and women are entitled too. It is necessary to look locally and internationally to help all victims of domestic violence. The United States as a country needs help to protect its own citizens, but around the world women are suffering with little to no support and they must not be forgotten either. International Law is a focus I would like to pursue to help all women across the globe and work to relieve abused women from violent relationships.

Through my classes and events that I have participated in on campus I have realized that domestic violence is a growing concern, not because it is a new problem, but because it is becoming more widely known as both women and men step up to tell their stories and seek help. I believe Becky’s Fund is an organization that is looking to help women on a personal level and this is the kind of concern and compassion is what I want to be associated with. The cycle of abuse is difficult to break free from and the physical, mental and emotional challenges that come from these relationships can be detrimental to a young woman. Understanding the difficulties and working to reach out to women to let them know they have somewhere to turn is a major step towards saving lives and giving hope.

In addition to action that helps abused women, preventative steps are also necessary to make progress in the fight against domestic violence. Awareness for both men and women is a means of keeping oneself in a safe relationship and helping peers in their interactions as well. Starting at a young age and working up into college education, domestic violence is an issue that needs to be taught, understood and stopped.

I am looking forward to what I can do to help this organization, and in turn how I can help the women in need of support and the preventative measures that can be taken to help all women alike.

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Rachael Zilkowski, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern

Becky’s Fund is excited to be partnering with DC designer Melissa Lew to help raise awareness about domestic violence. Melissa’s award-winning jewelry is individually hand carved and focuses on eco-friendly production. Melissa’s latest “Transcendence” line features designs of fine silver cherry blossoms to symbolize feminine beauty, strength, and endurance. As a show of support, 10% of the proceeds from the “Transcendence” pieces will go straight to Becky’s Fund.

On Friday, August 6th, you are invited to join Melissa Lew and Becky’s Fund as we introduce our new partnership and showcase Melissa’s designs. Fifty percent of “Transcendence” profits at this event will benefit Becky’s Fund.

Click here to find out more about Melissa. You can meet Melissa and see her designs in person at Temporium DC from August 5-8th. You can purchase Melissa Lew’s jewelry and help support Becky’s Fund online or through the AsiaStore at Asia Society in New York City.

As we approach the second half of 2010 we must begin to think ahead to 2011; a big year for helping women in the fight against domestic violence. The Violence Against Women Act, VAWA, is up for reauthorization in 2011. Since 1994, VAWA has helped to provide resources and support to victims of domestic violence and their children. VAWA provides funding for the National Domestic Violence Hotline, transitional housing, and legal assistance. It also gives grant money to help educate and better prepare law enforcement, advocates and shelters. It has been reauthorized by Congress in 2000 and again in 2005, each time acquiring more funding and becoming more successful.

As we approach this reauthorization there are several new concerns that advocates for women everywhere wish to have addressed. Catherine Pierce, previous Director of the Office on Violence Against Women said that the next version of VAWA should focus on providing more resources to victims in rural areas, programs that develop better homicide prevention, domestic violence and child custody issues, the effect of violence on children, and better and more frequent use of research to inform the practices of service providers and law enforcement. An additional focus has been put on resources for the Native American community by the Obama Administration in its FY2011 funding request.

Senators Bob Casey (D-PA) and Robert Menedez (D-NJ) have both created amendments to VAWA for increases in funding. The Casey amendment creates a deficit neutral reserve fund to fully fund the Long-Term Stability/Housing for Victims Program under VAWA. This existing program is authorized at $10 million but has never been funded. This program provides for collaboration between domestic violence service providers and housing providers and developers to pull together their resources and create long-term housing for victims.

The Menedez amendment creates a deficit neutral reserve to fully fund VAWA and FVPSA, the Family Violence Prevention and Services Act, at $1 billion. These programs provide funding for shelters, advocates, and grants to help victims.

Recently the Department of Justice clarified that VAWA also applies to gay and lesbian couples as well as heterosexual ones. This was a major step toward changing the way that the government views the rights of same-sex couples. The language in VAWA is in fact gender neutral and refers to people as “spouses” rather than husband, wife, etc.

Despite the strong history and continuing success of VAWA the act has never been fully funded. Its funding authorization is $683 million, yet the FY2010 budged was appropriated at $625.91 million. President Obama’s FY2011 budget, released in February of 2010, calls for $649.36 million. While the Act has been successful it will never reach its potential until it is fully funded.

In May the Chairman of the Senate Judiciary committee, Patrick Leahy D-VT, as well as Director of the Department of Justice’s Office on Violence Against Women Judge Susan Carbone, testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee about the importance of VAWA especially during the economic downturn. Leahy will lead the Senate Judiciary Committee of 12 Democrats and 7 Republicans during VAWA hearings over the course of the next year leading up to the reauthorization.

It is of the utmost importance that we let our congressmen and senators know that we care about VAWA and support its reauthorization and improvement. Please contact your Congressman, Congresswoman or Senator today. You can also contact the Budget Conferees who reach the conclusion about what to include in the final budget. They are:

Senate:

Sen.  Kent Conrad (D-ND) 202.224.2043

Sen.  Patty Murray (D-WA) 202.224.2621

Sen.  Judd Gregg (R-NH) 202.224.3324

House:

Rep.  John Spratt (D-SC) 202.225.5501

Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-CT) 202.225.3661

Rep. Allen Boyd (D-FL) 202.225.5235

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) 202.225.3031

Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-TX) 202.225.3484

Below is a template of what you can say when you are speaking with staff at in the Member’s office.

"Hello, my name is _____ and I am from _____ [indicate organization, your city and state]."

"I would like Senator/Representative [last name] to keep the VAWA and FVPSA Amendments in the FY 2010 Budget Conference Report."

"These amendments are necessary to achieve full funding of VAWA and FVPSA this year, to mee thte ever increasing demand for victim services."

"Thank you!"

In order to reauthorize and improve this vital law we must act and act quickly. VAWA and FVPSA are two crucial developments our government has assisted with in the fight against domestic violence, so let’s continue to move forward make progress in ending violence against women everywhere.

The Arizona immigration legislation SB1070 has been the subject of much criticism and debate. Politicians, NGOs, and citizens alike are speaking out on the harmful effects of the bill, as well as the many unintended negative consequences. While racial profiling tops the list of complaints about SB1070, the law’s negative impact on immigrant victims of abuse must be addressed.

The proposal was signed into law on Friday, April 27th with the intention of identifying, prosecuting and deporting illegal immigrants. The law allows police officers to ask anyone they suspect of being in the U.S. illegally to present an alien registration card. The law not only targets immigrants, it also criminalizes transporting, harboring, concealing, or shielding an illegal alien in Arizona by any means. These acts are punishable by fines of at least $1,000.

This second provision—transporting or harboring an illegal alien—is the biggest impediment to helping victims of domestic violence, according to attorneys Joanna McCallum and Christopher DuPont from Legal Momentum. They are the defense team from a prominent legal defense and education fund that advocates for the rights and advancement of women and girls. They argue that criminalizing the concealment or transport of an illegal alien prevents advocates from women’s shelters and rape crisis centers from helping victims of domestic abuse and rape. Advocates cannot offer shelter, bring alien victims to court meetings with prosecutors, or even to the hospital for treatment of life-threatening injuries. The law provides no protection for domestic violence shelter workers (though there are exceptions for child protective services and first responder emergency workers).

This provision is particularly troubling because it denies illegal aliens who are victims of domestic abuse from the federal protections granted to them under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). According to VAWA, non-citizen victims of domestic violence can petition for lawful permanent residence, cancel an impending deportation, or apply for a U Visa, which would allow them to remain in the USA if they assist the police in prosecuting their abuser. (The U Visa is designed for noncitizen crime victims who (1) have suffered substantial physical or mental abuse from criminal activity; (2) have information regarding the criminal activity; (3) assist government officials in the investigation or prosecution of such criminal activity; and (4) the criminal activity violated US law or occurred in the United States or its territories.) The Arizona immigration law undermines all these federal protections—police could detain abuse victims before they are informed of their rights under VAWA, and fine any case worker who attempts to give the woman advice on their legal rights.

These discriminatory practices may be spreading. In Albuquerque, New Mexico homeless shelters and domestic violence victims cannot legally allow illegal aliens fleeing abuse to stay in their facilities. What is worse, tthe federal immigration officials share resources with the local police department. New Mexico is one of 26 states to have such an agreement that delegates immigration control to local police agencies. This acts as a strong disincentive for abuse victims to report their abusers to police, for fear of being instantly deported.

Legal Momentum is not the only established initiative combating SB1070. Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon is bringing a lawsuit against the state to stop SB1070, featuring Colombia musician Shakira as the spokeswoman for the lawsuit. In an interview with E-News Shakira said, “I wasn't born in this country, and I know what a great country this is. It depends greatly on creating union, not division, and I think this law will create chaos and create division instead of progress and union, and I don't think it's fair.”

Despite receiving threats, Governor Gordon pledged to fight the law until it is changed: “This is America, this is Arizona, this is 2010. We are not going backwards, we need to go forward. We will fight this.”

Here are seven ways you can stop SB1070 in Arizona.

1. Call Governor Jan Brewer’s office: Tell her to veto the bill. Tel: 1-(800) 253-0883
2. Send an email to the Governor
3. Post a message on the Governor’s website
4. Fax a letter: (602) 542-1381
5. Sign Petitions: NNIRR/Presente petition
6. Spread the word on Facebook and organize others
7. Participate in upcoming events and/or organize your own!

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Sara Aucker, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern.

Many women consider their wedding day to be the happiest of their lives. While it is important to enjoy this day, women must also be conscious of what a healthy relationship entails. True love means tolerance and respect. Too many women who are in seemingly perfect marriages are actually suffering from serious domestic abuse. This is why it is important to recognize the signs of abuse and to have the strength to get help.

Some of the key signs of a potentially abusive relationship include: feeling like your partner yells at you, puts you down, or humiliates you; feeling like your partner belittles your accomplishments and achievements, blames you for his behavior, or sees you as an object; feeling helpless, afraid, or avoiding topics that you fear could make him mad. Other signs of future physical abuse include threats, an unpredictable temper, excessive jealousy, forced sexual activity, and other controlling behaviors.

The behaviors mentioned above are all forms of non-physical abuse. Domestic violence is not necessarily always physical. Abusers use power control tactics to make their victims feel as though they are trapped. Women feel helpless and are told that no one else would ever want or love them. Some women are convinced that they are worthless and even begin to blame themselves for the abuse they are suffering. The long-term effects of emotional and psychological abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse.

Religious and cultural beliefs also play a part in a woman’s decision to stay in an abusive relationship. Marriage vows are meant to be taken seriously. Many women fear that getting a divorce breaks a very sacred vow, and while this may be true, it is also important to remember that an abusive husband is not exactly staying true to his vows either.

Finally, many women do not leave abusive situations because they are afraid people will think they are crazy, or will not believe their story at all. Women with children are afraid of being considered bad mothers and of being stigmatizes as an abused woman. All of these signs and fears contribute to the cycle of abuse. If women are taught how to combat these signs and what to look out for, physical violence could be prevented. If you or a friend is in an abusive marriage, seek help or encourage your friend to seek help. Divorced or dead; which is worse?

In order to help eradicate domestic violence among brides-to be, the Becky’s Fund team has just started a new partnership with Carrie Ann Powell Floral Designs. Carrie Ann Powell, a high school classmate of Becky’s, recently expressed an interest in donating a portion of the proceeds of her flower shop in Pleasant Hills to Becky’s Fund.

Carrie was a victim child of abuse and is now giving back in order to help others that are suffering as she once did. Carrie approached Becky’s Fund because she felt that she could help raise awareness about domestic violence and healthy relationships among the brides she works with.

It is because of supporters like Carrie that Becky’s Fund is able to help the women that it does. Please support us in this new partnership and look for our feature on the flower shop’s website www.capweddingflowers.com. Order your arrangement today!

All over the country millions of people partake in participating in or watching sporting events.
Men, women, teenagers, and kids have all enjoyed the excitement of a sports game or match; however, recently the excitement has gone too far in other aspects of watching the event and emotions have been taken to a dangerous level. Due to emotional arousal, many times mixed with alcohol, women have been taking the hit from their significant other. Domestic violence rates have increased with the increase in sporting events such as the World Cup.

Studies found that in North Wales when there was a rugby match one weekend, the amount
of domestic violence cases rose 79% compared to a weekend when there was no sporting event. Similarly and even more recently, when England was defeated by Germany on June 27, 2010 police of Greater Manchester logged 353 incidents of domestic violence, that is the second highest records of the past year, and was a 15.7% higher increase than the same day last year. Furthermore, after police investigated domestic violence during the World Cup, they found that during the last world cup; domestic violence increased almost a third.

Recognizing the studies and statistics, this year there was so much warning and police efforts to raise awareness about domestic violence before the World Cup began; and that's what makes this startling information so scary. England officials tried to prevent the violence but couldn’t. England isn't the only country facing the sports and domestic violence dilemma, countries throughout the the world are also forced to confront this issue. There are plenty of reasons why such excitement over sports can cause such dangerous penalties, but that doesn’t make it right. 

The Super Bowl is the U.S.’s biggest sporting event; and the number of domestic violence cases increase highly on that day compared to any other ordinary day. The Super bowl is associated with the most cases of domestic violence during a sporting event in the United States. And that is also due to not only the excitement, but the amount of drinking on that day by fans.

The alcohol consumption at sporting events is very high and many times dangerous. Another report done in England found that the levels of alcohol consumption coupled with the emotionally charged nature of matches increases the prevalence of domestic violence. This should not come to a surprise. In the US, the most recorded days of domestic violence acts is the day of highest drinking, New Years Eve. Alcohol is a depressant; therefore, when there are negative feelings especially after a loss, it can cause the emotions to escalate and become dangerous.

The prevalence of domestic violence in the world of sports is not just from the emotional fans. University studies have shown that male athletes are at a greater risk of violent behavior than non-athletes. They are more likely to be aggressive with dating partners and are more accepting of hostility toward women. Sports fans are more likely to accept a crime that isn’t done “against the sport” such as gambling or cheating. As long as their star athlete can still perform to their best ability, many fans don’t care about their personal lives.

Many of these famous athletes live a privileged life and feel as though they can get away with just about anything. When their emotions are high due to a game or event that occurred, they often take it out on their significant other. This may also have to do with the idea that many athletes play a game that requires them to be aggressive, focused, and will pounce on anything to get what they want. Often this is how they form a sense of entitlement, especially when they succeed.

However, no matter how much you succeed or how badly the team you support ends up in an event, there is never an excuse for domestic violence. Athletes are people who can make an impact on our community, especially to those fans who look up to them. So what fans and other athletes really need is more athletes taking a stand against domestic violence and spreading the word that it is NOT acceptable. This is especially important because so many younger children and teenagers will follow in the footsteps of their favorite role-model’s.

In the meantime, working with police officials to stop domestic violence is an important factor; trying to control the alcohol consumption of sports fans during events will also be an important piece of the puzzle. Police officials and news outlets have done a good job promoting the awareness thus far, and continuing to release studies and stories about domestic violence and its relation to alcohol consumption and sporting events will educate potential victims. But some of the best ways to reach out and really raise awareness are at the games themselves, and with the players themselves. If people are at a game and upset about the loss with anxious feelings however reminded of the horrors of domestic violence, they are much less likely to engage in it. Also, potential victims will be more conscious of their spouse and his emotional arousal after games. In order to prevent the growth of domestic violence cases surrounding athletes and fans, we must tackle the issue head-on by uniting the players and events in the cause to end Domestic Violence.

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Liz Leer, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern.

GPS technology to track convicted abusers has the potential to save hundreds of lives, but does it come at the cost of civil liberties? Does monitoring someone’s movements 24 hours a day go too far? It would seem not. An increasing number of states are turning to GPS technology to track abusers and reduce the risk that they will strike again. As of 2009, 12 states have passed legislation allowing for GPS tracking of certain batterers, including Massachusetts, Michigan, Oklahoma, and Hawaii.
Tracking a batterer via GPS technology costs about $8 a day—paid by the offender—and the ankle bracelet monitors the batterer’s movements. In some cases the victim who pressed charges will also carry a GPS device and get text alerts if the batterer is within a certain distance of the victim, allowing him or her to leave or seek assistance immediately. Currently, over 5,000 domestic abusers are being tracked using GPS technology.

When you get down to it, the main argument against GPS is simply that it is more efficient than anything else we have used before.
Let’s say a batterer has been convicted for years of brutality, abuse, and rape against his wife. After serving his sentence he is out on parole and has already sent her threatening messages. The police are legally allowed to follow him around 24 hours a day to ensure he doesn’t hurt his wife or his children. They can take notes on where he goes, who he visits. They can legally follow him to his home, his work, his friends’ house. GPS does the same thing.
A woman has emotionally abused her ex-boyfriend for years and has started stalking him and his new girlfriend for the past two months. She has slashed his tires, waited for him at work, watched them on dates, even sent him threatening email messages. Fed up, her boyfriend gets a civil protection order ordering her to stay away from his work and his home. He alerts the office security guard who is instructed to call him and the police if he sees the woman violating the order. GPS does the same thing.
In Alaska, as in other states, there is something called Megan’s Law, allowing the public to view information online on registered sex offenders. Anyone can go on the Family Watchdog website and search their location to view offenders in the area. An interactive map pops up with a number of squares. Click on one and you will find the name, photo, physical description, home address, and crime committed by each person on the National Sex Offender Registry.

We have already reached a level of detail about the lives of offenders that goes far beyond the scope of GPS tracking. On principle, the courts have restricted offenders’ right to privacy for the reason of public safety. For good reason--considering that, in Massachusetts for example, approximately 1 in 4 women murdered by a partner had a restraining order. GPS simply makes it cheaper and more efficient to enforce the laws that already exist. And it works. When abusers were tracked using GPS, abuser recidivism was reduced to less than 33%; when traditional methods are used to track batterers, 44% of them reoffend. GPS tracking is simply a new method under existing laws meant to keep the public safe. It is cheaper; it is better; and it looks like it is here to stay.

My name is Sheyda Alemzadeh and I am a rising senior at the University of Maryland studying political science. I believe that domestic violence is an issue that goes largely unaddressed in today's society. Many women are afraid to leave their abusive spouses and do not know how to reach out and get the help they need.

I first heard of Becky's Fund through a friend of a friend who was a former intern, and I was intrigued by the unique way the organization seemed to integrate various members of the community in the fight against domestic violence. When it came time to look for internships for the summer, Becky's Fund was one of the first places I applied to--it seemed like a great place to "get my feet wet" because of the integral part each employeeplays in each branch of the organization.

The work done here at Becky's Fund to raise awareness and reach out to victims and their families is very important to me because it truly makes a difference in the community. My career aspirations have always centered around making a positive impact on peoples' lives, and I believe that working at Becky's Fund is a large step in that direction.

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Sheyda Alemzadeh, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern.

The source of every successful cause is passion-- My name is Lance McFadden and I am a first year law student at Appalachian School of Law (ASL). This summer,  I have joined Becky's Fund as  a legal intern so that I may exercise my interest in law and belief that all people should share equal protection under it. I began to research major issues that plague the United States as an undergraduate at the California University of Pennsylvania (CALU). One issue that stood out because of its shocking prevalence was domestic violence. An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of an assault by an intimate partner each year; even worse, most cases of domestic abuse are not reported to the police. The US spends nearly 6 billion dollars a year towards domestic violence between intimate partners, with 80% of it going toward physical and mental health treatment. Children witnessing domestic violence at home is one of the strongest risk factors for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.

 

Domestic violence not only affects the victim of the attack, but it affects their family, their friends, the national economy, and, essentially, our country has a whole. Upon learning these troubling facts, I became involved in CALU's annual Audrey-Beth Fitch Women's Studies Conference. Now in its fifth year, the conference is used as a platform to highlight women's accomplishments and to educate people on issues that impact women in today's society.

 

I now study domestic violence through a new lens: the law. Having just completed my first year of law school, I have taken a number of courses which have helped me better understand the legal remedies for those who have fallen victim to domestic violence. It is important for everyone to know that they have the right to defend themselves and to seek help from the judicial system. By utilizing the knowledge I have gained in law school, I can inform people of the rights and limitations of self-defense, as well as the option to obtain a protective order (I discovered that victims can petition for a protection order that includes members of their immediate family). Organizations such as Becky's Fund are an invaluable resource for abuse victims and also for people who want to fight against it. Becky's Fund bridges victims and advocates in order to give voice to this issue. In order to put an end to domestic violence, we as a country must atone and refuse to accept these act of cowardly aggression in our society. By interning at Becky's Fund, I will be doing my part to eliminate domestic violence by fostering awareness, educating others, and encouraging advocacy among my peers through active engagement. I encourage others to get involved and do the same.

 

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Lance McFadden, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern.

One of the greatest crimes of humanity is when a good person does nothing in the face of oppression and injustice. The ABC news segment "What Would You Do" uses actors to publicly stage various uncomfortable scenarios, then videotapes the responses of bystanders. It is a brilliant way to not only capture people's attention, but to also force them to ask the very question, "What would I do?" I watched two domestic abuse-related segments of this show to witness people's reactions.

 

The first segment featured two conservatively-dressed females, one white and one African-American, who had bruises on their face and were verbally abused by a  boyfriend (in reality, both couples were actors). Upon witnessing evidence of abuse in this scenario, complete strangers immediately rendered aid. It made me feel good to see that people will not stand for wrongs being committed. It did not matter that they didn't know either of the women, all that mattered was that they saw an injustice and refused to simply turn their backs and ignore the situation.

 

The responses to displays of abuse on the show were perfectly executed in both situations: first, there was an attempt to verbally diffuse the situation; next, people placed a physical barrier between the male and the female; and, finally, people resorted to physical contact to restrain the abuser. We have mouths for a reason; abusive situations do not call for silence. It is our right to speak our minds and share our opinions, but it is our duty to speak up for those who are unable to do so themselves. Upon witnessing domestic violence, bystanders immediately instructed the abuser to calm down. A gentleman asked the abuser to speak with him outside in order to diffuse tension. When the men returned and the abuser grabbed the victim, his physicality was matched by men witnessing the incident--when the abuser grabbed his girlfriend, he was shoved away and threatened by a stranger. This is a model example for those who would hesitate to respond to an abusive situation. As one of the men stated when he was interviewed by ABC News, "If something is not right, try to fix it."

 

As an African-American, I felt even more relief when aid was given to the second women regardless of her race. When a battered African-American woman was placed in the same scenario, she also received aid (by females, rather than males). In the second scenario, the abuser briefly left his victim after verbally abusing her, giving the opportunity for two females to intervene and comfort the battered woman. Once again, appropriate actions were taken. First, upon trying to comfort the victim, the two women asked her if she wanted to leave (the victim refused); next, they asked if they should call the police (again, this resolution was quashed by the victim); finally, when the abuser returned, he was confronted by the two women who ignored his instruction that they mind their own business. When the abuser ordered the victim to leave with him, the two women forcefully and instantaneously told him that the victim would not leave with him. After revealing to the women that the scenario was an experiment, everyone was struck with emotion. As one of the intervening women emotionally confessed to the host, "She [would] like someone to do it for her."

 

In this scenario it didn't matter that this intervening heroine was opposing a male who towered over her and was proven to be violent. All that mattered to her was that injustice was being done and she was not going to stand for it. The actor playing the abuser could feel the women's passion and conviction in their stance against domestic violence. When asked about his experience, he said, "Their hearts were speaking and you could see it in their eyes." This is what it truly means to be human, speaking with our hearts and our emotions. There are times when action simply isn't good enough; sometimes a reaction is what is needed--acting on impulse and doing the right thing.

 

The second portion of the experiment is quite troubling. When the same women were placed in a restaurant but were dressed promiscuously, there were no intervening heroes nor heroines in sight. When the white couple was in the restaurant and the abuser became physical, no one confronted him, nor did they attempt to help the scantily-clad woman when the abuser left the table. Very little action was taken, despite twenty-five minutes of verbal bashing and physical abuse. The only form of aid the woman received was from a woman who called the police to report the incident. After being told of the experiment, the woman was mad at herself for only calling the police. Having been a victim in the past, she knew how it felt to be abused and have no one come to the rescue. To me, this speaks volumes. Not only did a roomful of people see an abusive situation and do nothing, at least one of those people was a former victim, yet everyone remained mum. What good is relating ourselves to a person's situation ("I know how you feel", "I've been there") if we don't use our empathy to help others?

 

Even more disturbing was the same scenario staged with an African-American victim. I do not believe the response in this case was influenced by the skin color of the victim, but by the people who were in the restaurant at the time.  Upon witnessing the man become physically abusive, two women did take action and asked the waitress to call the police. Despite this, after reviewing the attire of the woman, they concluded that she may have been a prostitute working for her abuser. Unable to stomach the abuse, the women asked to be moved to another table further away from the assault, all the while rationalizing the situation by justifying their belief that the victim was a prostitute. Even if these women were right, does that make the abuse ok?

 

When two men were interviewed about their inaction, one man said the situation was "too risky" for him to respond because the abuser may have tried to harm him with a knife or his fists. Not only is doing the right thing too risky, but it's also "Not our job to make people feel better." Most US state laws say that you are not allowed to put your hands on ANYONE unless they are the aggressor and you are defending yourself; even then, you can only use an equal amount of force that is used against you to defend yourself and stop the attack. Although it may not be our jobs to make people feel better, it is our duty to do the right thing and help those in need. Would his response be the same if it were a family member? How about a friend? How about the sister of a friend? Although we do show more consideration to people we know, there comes a point where ignoring abuse just because it is inflicted on a stranger is not an acceptable excuse. There comes a time where all that matters is, there is a human being in need and I am a human being who can assist them. All other concerns: race, gender, sexual orientation, political ideology, religious belies, and all other differences are irrelevant.

 

After I finished watching the scenarios I began to think of other situations and what people's responses may be: What if the victim is a male and the abuser is a female? What if the abuse involves a gay or lesbian couple? What if the victims are unattractive? What if it is a case of elder abuse, or teen dating abuse? These are the questions that have been swimming around in my mind. What would the response to these scenarios be? What would your response be to these situations? Would you be the hero or heroine who stands up in outrage to those who promote domestic violence? Or one who keeps quiet and ignores the injustice and violence that surrounds them? What would you do?

 

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Lance McFadden, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern.

When one thinks of domestic violence victims, physical side effects often come to mind--bruises, cuts, and broken bones. While these injuries are all terrible effects of domestic violence, it is most often the case that the emotional wounds from violence are the hardest to heal.

Many victims experience various psychological difficulties. Often women become emotionally withdrawn, depressed or suicidal. Many women suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Sometimes women become angry, impulsive, or aggressive. Some women experience difficulties eating and sleeping or notice that their normal patterns for these activities change significantly.

Often victims develop coping mechanisms for abuse such as denial, minimization of the abuse, and justification of the abuse. Some women begin to believe that they deserve to be punished and that there is no escape. Many abused women who are employed lose their jobs due to frequent absenteeism as a result of court appearances, hospitalization, or mental health issues.

Domestic violence can also affect the children of the victims. Abuse has a negative impact on mothers who want to nurture their children and help them mature and develop healthy outlooks on relationships and family. There are also many studies that show a strong positive correlation between witnessing abuse as a child and becoming an abuser as an adult.

There are various ways to therapeutically alleviate these negative effects of domestic violence. When recovering from a traumatic experience, such as domestic violence, it is important to have a support system; victims should be encouraged to stay connected to friends and family. Some victims may find it helpful to talk to a counselor or meet with a support group of victims. New research suggests the effectiveness of art and music therapy or exercise in helping to alleviate the effects of domestic violence.

This link between abuse recovery and occupational therapy has inspired Becky's Fund's recent partnership with Jordin's Paradise, a DC dance studio. This partnership will allow both victims and children to take dance classes in order to have a creative outlet to promote their self-esteem and confidence as they focus on self-restoration. The special “laughter yoga” class at Jordin’s Paradise allows adults and children to use yoga breathing techniques combined with laughter to release stress and feel happier and more fit.

With your support Becky’s Fund hopes to make this new partnership a lasting success that will help domestic violence survivors in the DC area to re-build their lives, their self-esteem and their self-confidence.

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Sara Aucker, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern.

It’s 2010. I’m sitting across from a wonderful man who adores me. I feel confident, happy, in love with life.

The Beautiful Man reaches across the table and strokes my face with his fingertips. My eyelids, my cheekbone, my lips. Gently, his hand slides down my chin to my neck.

I scream as I am thrust into the middle of a nightmare.

It’s a year prior. Another man has me pinned to my bed, one hand encircling my throat. The other is holding the tip of a butcher knife to my carotid artery, which is pulsing with adrenaline-fueled blood. He is screaming at me. He calls me stupid, unlovable, a whore. He tells me that he hates me and that I deserve to die. I am scared. But I am also relieved that the nightmare is going to end. Crying, I beg of him, “Please, please do it.” He drops the knife, but vows that if I ever speak of what has just transpired, he’ll have a use for his gun.

I am perplexed. In the 12 months prior to this incident, I have seen this man as charming, intelligent, handsome and generous. I have also seen him as callous, cruel, indifferent and frightening. I didn’t fall in love with the Frightening Man. I didn’t even meet him until months into our relationship.

When I met the Charming Man, I was a self-assured, confident woman. I felt certain that I would never choose to be in an abusive relationship.

What I hadn’t considered is that victims of domestic abuse don’t choose to be victims. We become them at the hands of someone we love.

Abusers are experts in the arts of manipulation, escalation and control: in the beginning, they compliment, rather than degrade; at first blush, the bouts of jealousy appear endearing; the first argument doesn't come to blows.

I fell in love with the Charming Man. But, with time, the compliments turned sour and his words became humbling, then belittling, then scathing. The charm waned as jealousy, frustration and a desire to control culminated in threats to my relationships, my career, and my life. And, eventually, he hit me.

Over time, I altered my behavior, always in the hope of bringing the Charming Man back. Where I had been assertive, I put aside my own needs to please him. Once self-confident, I became increasingly hesitant. I had been in love with life, but became withdrawn, vacant, lifeless. And the more I lost myself, the more I saw of the Frightening Man. My days and nights became filled with overwhelming anxiety: how could I prevent the Frightening Man from coming (I couldn’t) and when (not if) would the escalation result in losing my life.

Do you know who saved me? The Beautiful Man. But the Beautiful Man isn’t some white knight who swept me off my feet. The Beautiful Man is my wonderful friends, my caring family, my supportive bosses. The Beautiful Man is Becky’s Fund. The Beautiful Man is you. I am one of the lucky ones who was eventually able to extricate myself from an abusive relationship because I had the help of friends who recognized the pattern of abuse, the unfaltering love of individuals surrounding me and the encouragement of people who understood that leaving the relationship was in some ways more frightening than the relationship itself.

I still have nightmares. And I still have fears about the future. But now I have a future. And being scared for the future is a hell of a lot better than being scared for your life.

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Taryn, a Becky's Fund volunteer.

Marital status, ethnicity, income, education, race, and religion have been shown to have a negligible correlation to domestic violence. The only reliable predictor is age. College students are most at risk of relationship violence—women 16-24 years old are most likely to experience dating abuse, and many of them will.

Almost 1 in 4 college-aged students will experience at least one instance of dating abuse. According to Break the Cycle, a nonprofit that advocates for teen dating rights, nearly one-third of college students have physically assaulted a partner. In the Washington area, 60% of universities reported an increase in intimate partner violence in 2007. Nationwide, a woman is raped every 21 hours on a college campus, according to the Campus Advocacy Network.

 

The University of Maryland Office of Student Conduct director, John Zacker, suggests that the rate is much higher, estimating that only 5% of dating abuse victims actually report the crime.

The Washington Examiner reported the following rates of sexual assaults by their students in 2008:

University of Virginia: 16

University of Maryland: 17

Georgetown: 10

Virginia Tech: 4

George Mason: 11

Catholic University: 2

American University: 1

George Washington University: 6

 

Given these facts, how much are we doing to support young women at a time when they are most at risk of being taken advantage of?

Some people suggest that colleges are not only negligent but are willfully avoiding entering the conversation on dating abuse to avoid responsibility. Former prosecutor Wendy Murphy made this claim on “The Early Show” after University of Virginia lacrosse player Yeardley Love died at the hands of an ex-boyfriend. Murphy says, “The truth of the matter is a lot of universities, not just UVA…develop policies of what I would call deliberate blindness. In other words, they don’t want to know.

"They say they want to know, but let's be clear. The more they are aware of when it comes to risks of violence, the more they know of escalating violence, threats against a particular student, the more they have to do something. And they would prefer, frankly, to take less responsibility.”

Break the Cycle gave Maryland a “C” grade for its support of relationship abuse victims, and Virginia received an “F”, as reported by the Washington Post.

Clearly we cannot afford to ignore the situation or expect students to learn through trial and error. Having a proactive and engaged protocol on campuses to address the issues of dating violence is a necessary step to reducing the victimization of college girls.

Here are some tips to stay safe on campus:

1.    FIND MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES-Find out early what mental health resources your college has (peer counseling, relationship advisors, RAs, student groups)

2.    BE SAFE WHEN YOU GO OUT Avoid drinking excessively or going out alone—go out with your friends and keep track of each other

3.    BUILD A SUPPORT SYSTEM of friends you trust and be honest with them

4.    TALK TO SOMEONE—you can call anonymous hotlines 24 hours a day or reach out to a counselor, friends, your RA, or a family member

5.    IF YOU FEEL UNSAFE—Do not go anywhere alone; contact your RA or Campus Security

Remember:

=> College is when women are at greatest risk of dating violence

=> Abusive behavior is never normal and you don’t have to put up with it

=> Abuse is not just violence—it can be:

o   Possessive and controlling behavior

o   Excessive texting/calling

o   Insults

=> Relationships slowly become abusive—don’t let your judgment be clouded, always check in with yourself to make sure you are happy and respected

=> YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO—do not feel guilty for refusing a date or ending a relationship

 

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Sarah Mortazavi, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern.

It is estimated that nearly 3 million children have witnessed domestic violence in their home each year. In 2003, an assessment of a large Health Maintenance Organization found that over 15 million children in the U.S. lived in families where intimate partner violence had occurred at least once in the past year. It is not surprising to find that such a high number of children have witnessed domestic violence when you consider the sheer number of women who are abused (1 in every 3).

Recent studies suggest that children who witness domestic violence may be just as negatively impacted as the people who experience abuse firsthand. An increasing number of studies show many detriments to witnessing abusive behavior. The consequences for minors can be physical, emotional, behavioral, or social, and the effect is different for various age groups, but symptoms of anxiety are universally experienced.

Toddlers often do not understand the meaning of the abuse, and many times assume they ‘must have done something wrong.’  A toddler’s self-blame can quickly turn into feelings of guilt, worry, and anxiety. Since they may not be able to express themselves verbally, they tend to react through a change in their behavior. Younger children usually seek attention or completely avoid it. They may become withdrawn, resorting to self-isolation and refuse to go to school. Conversely, they may react by clinging to a particular person and acting out to get attention. Younger children may have physical problems such as sleep difficulty and anxiety issues.

Pre-adolescents who witness abuse are better equipped to express their negative emotions using language, but they may also show unconscious behavioral or physical reactions to an abusive situation. These children may show physical symptoms of anxiety, such as headaches and sleep problems. They may suffer socially, lacking enthusiasm for social events and avoiding groups of other children. Like toddlers, they may show a completely opposite reaction, acting out and rebelling to show their anger or to get attention. Temper tantrums, irritability, and frequent fights at school or with siblings can be signs of the effect of domestic violence.

Adolescents have similar reactions to pre-adolescents, however, the consequences may be more severe. As anxiety worsens, adolescents may resort to extreme behavior to deal with their emotions. Witnessing abuse may cause drop-outs, delinquency, and even substance abuse.

Each new study on the issue uncovers yet another unacknowledged negative effect of witnessing abuse. One study by Graham-Bermann and Seng in 2005 shows that children exposed to violence suffer symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, which can cause bed-wetting and nightmares. These children are also more susceptible to gastrointestinal problems, the flu, and allergy symptoms than peers who did not witness domestic violence.

However, the most sobering finding was published two decades ago by Strauss, Gelles, and Smith. They found that boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their partners as adults.

With all the negative effects that domestic violence has on children, it is incredibly important that children be removed from an abusive setting. They most likely need to be treated for their stress and anxiety, and it is important that they talk about the issue. One optimistic finding is that experts believe if you remove the child from the setting and the mother’s safety is restored, the negative outcomes can be diminished over time.

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Liz Leer, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern.

There are many positive uses for technology with respect to domestic violence, but it can also become a potential tool of victimization.

Let’s start with the benefits: The internet can provide victims with access to resources such as shelters, counseling, advocates, and general information about domestic violence. Victims can use blogs, forums, and chat rooms to find other victims and share stories in order to heal and support one another.

Advances in mobile technology has made commuting safer—anyone can send a quick text to a friend for help or call 911 in an emergency. Companies such as Verizon Wireless have even set up cell phone donation programs collecting used cell phones for women transitioning out of an abusive relationship. Voicemail services and phone records can effectively document threatening and repetitive phone calls from abusers so that they may be used as evidence in court.

Yet in spite of the many benefits of technology, it can also be turned against victims to threaten their health and safety. In fact, 50% of people age 14-24 report experiencing some form of digital abuse. Many abusers use technology to check up on their victims as a form of intimidation. Some abusers go so far as to secretly install spyware on a victim’s computer to monitor his or her internet activity. Abusers can become so obsessed they resort to impersonation, such as stealing passwords to email or social networking profiles, in order to control a victim’s life.

One of the more advanced forms of technology being used by abusers is keystroke logging hardware. This technology is installed on a keyboard and records keystroke word patterns, potentially providing access to passwords common search words, revealing if a victim has searched for help from counseling centers or shelters.

There have even been cases of an abuser sending a victim’s attorney an email or text message from a victim’s account asking to drop all charges against the abuser. Abusers have also sent threatening messages to themselves from the victim’s phone or e-mail to make it seem as if the abuse is mutual.

Considering the risk technology poses, victims must be educated on what they can do to stay safe. The National Network to End Domestic violence provides these tips for dealing with women who have been victimized through technology.

• Talk to survivors about screening calls with answering machines and, where legal, taping harassing telephone calls.
• Encourage victims to document harassing calls through stalking logs, photographing caller ID, and "call trace" (*57 in most areas).
• Educate survivors about "per-call" (*67 in most areas) or permanent caller ID blocking.
• Inform victims that caller ID devices can be installed without their knowledge and transmit information about all incoming calls.

• Encourage survivors to contact their telephone carriers to learn about their wireless/cell phone's features and services. They may want to ask if location services have been added to their service plans.
• Educate survivors about the option of turning a phone off to increase location privacy.
• Encourage survivors to use a donated cell phone or to purchase a new cell phone with a different carrier if they think their phones or the billing records are being used to monitor their calls.
• Help survivors find a law enforcement officer or a mechanic willing to search a victim's car or belongings for a GPS device.
• Talk to victims who use GPS automobile services about the pros and cons of changing their account password to prevent stalkers from gaining access to their car and location information.
• Talk to survivors about checking their homes or having law enforcement search for small holes or unidentifiable wiring.
• Encourage victims to use a safer computer; one that the stalker does not have access to.
• Encourage survivors not to open any attachments from unknown sources or from their abusers, and to keep their computers' operating systems and virus definitions updated regularly.
• Ask victims if they use a computer and, if so, explain how SpyWare can give an abuser the ability to monitor ALL computer use. Discuss the pros and cons of using SpyWare detection programs, since installing such a software program could alert the stalker.
• Encourage survivors to be suspicious if an abuser has installed a new keyboard recently or done computer repair work that coincides with an increase of stalking or monitoring.
• If a victim finds a harassing website about herself, discuss with her the option of talking to law enforcement to determine whether a website is a violation of a protection order or could be evidence for a stalking or harassment charge.
• Encourage victims to ask where their personal information is stored; if any government entities publish their records on the Internet, they can request to have their records sealed or to restrict who can access their information.

This posting is part of a series by passionate allies of the cause.  The author is Sara Aucker, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern.

On Monday, May 3, college senior, George Huguely was arrested and charged with first-degree murder after being suspected of killing Yeardley Love, a fellow Senior with whom he had been romantically involved.

Huguely was the apparent model of achievement: starting quarterback, honor roll student and lacrosse all-American at the renowned Landon School, a private high school in suburban Maryland.  Huguely, went on to become a scholar-athlete at the prestigious University of Virginia (UVA).  Huguely also came to be known for his bad behavior and his temper, having had run-ins with the law while intoxicated on two separate occasions in 2008. His relationship with Ms. Love had recently ended, and according to all reports told police he "was involved in an altercation" with Ms. Love, during which he shook her and her head repeatedly hit the wall.

It is tragic that this young girl's life, so full of life and promise, has been lost.  It is tragic that the lives of her friends, family members, fellow students, and teammates have been affected and forever changed. It is even tragic that this young man, with so many gifts and advantages, could have been so misguided as to have led him to this behavior.  Yes, all of these things are sad and tragic.  But perhaps the greatest tragedy is how we failed both of them.

Surely there were signs of rage and possible danger.  Were they unnoticed or hushed over?  Perhaps the warning signs hid behind the curtain hung by a blinding ignorance about domestic violence and its many evils.  Perhaps,  the signs were seen but hushed over for fear that their being revealed would lead to an uncomfortable discussion, encounter or conclusion.  Whatever the explanation, those failures, along with a young man's inability to cope with his own anger, contributed to Ms. Love's tragic death.

How could this young man have navigated through so many gates and matriculated though the halls of fine educational institutions and yet been so ill-prepared to manage his life and to respect the life of another?

What responsibility do educational institutions have to their students?    I am not suggesting that the school was at fault or played any role in Ms. Love's death. The individuals involved should both be held accountable for their own actions.  But the deeper question that comes to mind is what does an education really deliver?  If students can't manage their own personal lives, such as dealing with anger, healthy relationships, and open communication, then what is the value of their talent as engineers, doctors, writers, teachers, or musicians?  Some may never even get the chance to find out - like Ms. Love who is gone and Huguely who will surely face serious consequences if convicted.

We expect our schools to provide a quality education, a safe and clean environment and decent food - a solid foundation from which to start a productive life and career.  But shouldn't a college deliver more?  Perhaps we need to re-examine what it means to be "ready" to start life in the real world. As educators, we need our own tools independent of law enforcement intervention, which is often limited by individual privacy rights and focused on the broader issues of public safety.

Domestic violence exists in a space where law enforcement often cannot penetrate and the community often won't participate.  Yet there is a crucial need for action in this area - 1 in 3 women will experience intimate partner violence in their lives.  Thus, it becomes a question of awareness and education about topics like domestic violence.  The challenge should not be about if we should empower students with skills to react to rage without emotion, to a weapon with an olive branch, but rather when.  The university environment is an ideal place to educate future generations on intimate life skills.

The university is often the first place where these students find their independence and the last safe harbor before the harsh realities of the world envelop them.  Why shouldn't we take advantage of this unique opportunity to educate students to develop interpersonal skills to the same level as their academic training?

For Becky's Fund, prevention is the centerpiece of our approach to tackling domestic violence.  There are always warning signs that if taken seriously, can provide vital opportunities to intervene before a tragedy occurs.  In a world where the public seems more interested in the spectacle of failure than the prospect of prevention, it is an uphill battle.  But for the sake of people like Ms. Love, we must go further than fancy rhetoric.  We must adopt a proactive approach to dealing with domestic violence: we must use the available tools and resources to promote a safe environment where asking for help is welcome and sought after.

Through our outreach programs, Becky's Fund reaches young men and women and provides them the tools to understand what a healthy relationship should look like and to cope with challenges that they may face.  Our Domestic Violence college tour focuses on teaching the warning signs of dating violence along with how to get help and how to help a friend in need.  Through our partnership with the Girl Scouts, we are teaching these young girls about self-empowerment and respect, building a strong foundation for leadership and success.  We are also working with community leaders to promote best practices and install curricula into schools to encourage healthy and safe relationships.

Freedom from domestic violence. It's our right.®

This posting is part of a series by passionate allies of the cause.  This article was written by Becky Lee, Executive Director of Becky's Fund.

Amidst the partisanship and chaos in the weeks leading up to the vote on health care, it was hard to determine just what the health care plan promised and how soon it would take effect. Now that the dust has settled, one of the most valuable components of the health care plan is coming to light—and I can’t believe it was kept under wraps for so long.

I was shocked when I discovered that domestic abuse victims were being denied health care coverage because their abuse was considered a “pre-existing condition.” Vulnerable abuse victims are further isolated by insurance companies who compel women to either silently suffer and receive health care, or charge their abuser and receive no support.

Even activists associated with the issue of domestic violence were treated with the same disdain. The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence reported that: “In Houston County, employees of a domestic violence shelter were turned down for health insurance because the insurance company believed that they were ‘at high risk’ of injury from client’s husbands or boyfriends.”

The obvious injustice of this issue makes it hard to believe that this practice was stopped only recently, with only 3 extra votes. Lynn Rosenthal, the White House Advisor on Violence Against Women, wrote this on the White House Blog after the vote to pass health care: Abuse victims “will not face gender discrimination or lifetime caps on benefits. They will not face the struggle of paying too much for health care while trying to rebuild their lives after suffering domestic violence. Victims of domestic violence should not have to worry about access to health care.”

Thanks to the health care bill, they will never have to.

This article is part of a series by passionate allies for the cause. The author is Sarah Mortazavi, a 2010 Becky's Fund intern.